I read this post from a friend in Facebook today:
“Rumors are carried by haters, spread by fools, and accepted by idiots.”
What can I say? It’s so true, and so timely, because lately, my friend and I were discussing just how rumors have sadly become a favorite pastime of many people. The sad pattern I see, really, is that many people (especially when they’re part of a group I’d like to call a mob) use their imagination to create scenarios in their heads and believe them to be reality. And then they go around spreading unreliable news like wildfire, and those who blindly believe it do the same. Sometimes I wonder just how boring/ unproductive their day-to-day life must be like, to have time to dream about such things!
There were times from when I was in show business to when I started dating my ex-boyfriend to when I started dating my boyfriend who’s now my husband, that I’ve heard rumors about me.
I honestly can’t remember them all, but there are stories like me fighting this girl in a bar (uhmm, I don’t even go out? haha!) or my boyfriend (now my husband) paying for all our travels (KKB eversince, even now that we’re married!) and even funnier things (which I honestly can’t remember and don’t even bother to remember). There are other instances at work or even within families which I will no longer discuss here, but I’ve learned that the best way, really, is to IGNORE them. It may sound hard to do because we all need to air out what we feel, right? But this trick has worked so well for me. Whenever I hear of rumors about me, I almost always catch myself laughing and saying, “hayaan mo na sila!” (just don’t mind them).
Here are some reasons why I believe ignorance is bliss in cases like these:
1. When I choose to ignore, I don’t mind what these people say or think at all. I don’t get affected by their thoughts or fanciful stories, so I don’t get caught up in their juicy story of the week. Honestly, I have better things to do than sit all day and chat about other people’s lives (or what people imagine their lives to be like).
2. I believe that if people are truly concerned about you, they will ask YOU and not other people. It doesn’t matter to me whether they think I’m right or wrong; it only matters that they take time to ask both sides so they can make a decision for themselves. If a friend is really concerned about me, s/he will take time to talk to ME, and I would gladly and objectively speak up. No buts, no ifs, no excuses. End of story.
3. I’ve always been honest when it comes to my telling of stories. When people ask me things, I don’t sugarcoat (which is why I sometimes get into “trouble”) and I tell people exactly what happened including what I did in that certain situation (even if it is to my disadvantage). At the end of the day, I am proud that I don’t lie or hide some truths to get people’s side, and I don’t start the “spreading” either. I only answer what people ask me, but I don’t go around gossiping to people like I’m the host of The Buzz. But I cannot expect that from other people. Others will lie about the most obvious things just to turn a story around. So I just live my life the best way I know how and let others see who I am, my beliefs, and what I stand for. In the end, your character will always show, and you know those who take time to listen to your side and are brave enough to tell you you’re at fault when you’re wrong but still accept you are the only ones worth keeping in this life.
4. If you’re really happy and not just pretending to be, you will realize that dementors are always around, but they somehow fail in consuming your happiness. In my case, I find myself feeling indifferent. I don’t hate them, but I honestly have no feelings for them. It’s like they don’t exist at all. Others say “Kill them with kindness”; and this is true. But I would say “Kill them with happiness, too!”
5. Some people love gossip so much that they can spend weeks, months, and years talking about people they dislike, hate, or want dead (and making up stories about those people apart from making every detail of their “favorite’s” life larger than life). It’s ironic, really, that you would spend that much time and energy for someone you don’t like, but surprisingly, this is quite common. At the end of the day, I just believe this statement with all my heart: “It could be worse. You could be them.”
6. If you’ve got people’s undivided attention even though they can’t stand you, you’ve already won, right?;) To be honest, it’s quite flattering that these people are so updated with your life even if they don’t follow you on your social media accounts or talk to you in person. I guess it’s true when they say that haters/ gossipers are somewhat your ‘fans’. Somehow, I choose to be thankful because there are people who think my life is interesting. 🙂
I am not saying that the way I deal with those people is the right way of dealing. Some people always feel the need to explain and clear their name, and I guess that’s okay, too. I am sharing this only because it works for me, and it might help those who don’t know what to do.
Since I love quotes so much I made a site just for my favorite ones (and I like so many I still have a lot of backlog), let me share with you some wise words that help me when gossipers feast on me or someone I dearly love:
“Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies. You must know this, Dumbledore.”
“The only logical reason why people talk behind your back, is because you’re already ahead of them.”
“If evil be spoken of you and it be true, correct yourself, if it be a lie, laugh at it.”
“Your life must be filled with such incredible loneliness that your only joy comes from destroying everyone else’s happiness.”
-Mary Margaret, Once Upon A Time
“Haters are like crickets, they make a lot of noise. You hear them but you can’t see them. And when you pass by them, they become quiet.”
“People who try to whittle you down are only trying to reduce you to their size.”
“I am thankful for the difficult people in my life. They have shown me exactly who I don’t want to be.”
“Great spirits have always encountered violent-opposition from mediocre minds.”
“Always remember, others may hate you, but those who hate you don’t win unless you hate them, then you destroy yourself.”
“When men speak ill of you, so live that nobody will believe them.”
“Hate, it has caused a lot of problems in the world, but has not solved one yet.”
”The spread of evil is the symptom of a vacuum. Whenever evil wins, it is only by default: by the MORAL FAILURE of those who evade the fact that THERE CAN BE NO COMPROMISE on basic principles.”
-Ayn Rand, Capitalism: The Unknown Ideal (1966)